We’ve got a TMI-reader submission!
Thanks to Emily for regaling a juicy TMI from the WILD!
(…or from Winco…)
Here it goes:
“Okay. Here's my story.
You have to understand that sometimes I have a scatter brain; sometimes I have the brain and wit of my mother and her mother. They say things that are so embarrassing sometimes because they are so overly nice and friendly and old. They like to engage friendly conversation with almost everybody they come into contact with and sometimes it's just embarrassing because they say goofy things because they are old.
Well...to my horror I think I am turning into my chatty Kathy mother.
It happens to all of us, right?
I usually go grocery shopping alone with my 2 boys but since it was a few days before Thanksgiving my husband came with us and it was nice to have him there at Winco with me, it made shopping much easier.
Before I continue, I have to add that my boys have these VERY cute furry wolf head/face hats. Everywhere we go, EVERYBODY, and I mean every person that walks past us, says,
"Look at those hats!" or
"Oh my, they look like little dogs! How cute!"
They are quite the attention grabbing hats, but they keep them super warm so they always wear them.
Back to the story…
Checkout time came. We chose the line we wanted to be in. The little boys are in the cart wearing their hats as usual, the 4 of us are unloading groceries onto the conveyer belt, half way done, my husband says, "I will go start bagging". This is all happening fairly quickly, remember that. Okay, during this time I look at the cashier, who looked to be middle aged, 50’s. These are the EXACT thoughts going through my head as I glance at the cashier and proceed to unload our food, I am thinking,
"Whoa. Is this a man or a woman? Oh man. I can't tell. Hmm. I think he is a she. I bet this guy used to be a girl. But he looks like a woman. But wait, she has a man’s short haircut, and scruff on her face and neck, maybe she is a he? But I think he has breasts, and...”
The cashier says, "Hello! How are you?" and I say "Hello!"
And then my thoughts,
"WHOA, he sounds like a SHE! His voice!! So high! I think he is a woman. Or used to be at least. Even though she has a man’s haircut, and scruff, she sounds like a woman and her face is a woman's face. Hmm. I bet this guy used to be a woman."
Those are my thoughts. Going about a million miles per second, very scatterbrain like. So we quickly finish unloading our loaded cart and my husband is at the end bagging the groceries. This is where I turn into my mother and start chatting with the person because I want to be polite and help brighten someone else's day. So I start friendly conversation while paying for the food,
"Hello! How are you today? Happy holidays."
HE (the cashier, in the very high woman's voice) says, "I'm great. Thank you! You as well. Getting your last minute thanksgiving shopping done?"
And I say, "Oh yeah, you know. I'm cooking everything this year, so we are just getting ready to go. What are you doing for thanksgiving? Getting together with family?"
And he awkwardly says, "No, just low key, nothing really."
And I felt sad/bad for him, so I wanted to be every more friendly,
I say, "Well that's nice. I hope you have a nice holiday."
okay, here is where the mood changes and I still to this day feel absolutely embarrassed and terrible and sorry for what I was about to do, unknowingly. So he (in the very female voice, but he is clearly a man, even though I was having those previous thoughts) changes the subject
And says, "Oooh! I love those hats!" (Remember the boy’s hats?) "Those are just too funny!"
And then.................I say this exactly, in a loud, friendly, cheerful, everyone around me can hear (remember, this person is a man, but I had been thinking he might be a she), I say loud and cheerfully,
"BOYS! Did you hear what SHE said? SHE said SHE likes your hats!"
RIGHT when I said that, my husband who is about 5-7 feet away from me, looks up at me in the speed of light, with complete HORROR on his face, he says SO FAST in a LOUD whisper, the cashier can hear,
"HONEY, YOU JUST CALLED HIM A SHE!"
And as fast as I could I walk forward with my cart and immediately said as fast as I could,
"SHHH BE QUIET, SHHHH SSHUT UP I DONT KNOW WHY I SAID THAT, BE QUIET...just finish loading and let’s go!"
We ran out of there, I wanted to cry I felt so bad that I had said that and embarrassed that man in front of his friend and other customers, I'm sure everyone around us was glaring in shock at what that woman (me) just said. and at the same time, when we got to the car, my husband started laughing, mine was more of a crying/laughing with tears in my eyes, we couldn't believe I said that and I said as we were leaving,
"Oh sheesh. I am turning into my mother!!! Noooo!!"
And the other day I was back at Winco, checking out. I turn around and I could see aaall the checkers in a line and somewhere in the middle I SAW HIM. But he was wearing a women's shirt for his Winco work shirt. It was tight, with shorter sleeves, and all the other male checkers wore the guy versions of their Winco work shirts... and THEN I looked for bra lines on his back, nothing. No bra. But he still looks like a woman completely.”
I feel for you!
Nothing more puzzling than a gender mystery!
And nothing more embarrassing than getting it WRONG.
And we’re all turning into our mothers.
Embrace it, girl!
Thanks for the submit