Tuesday, April 30, 2013

TMI Tuesday #29- Entering new waters...

While we were in Hawaii last week the following is the only picture of me
(besides entire family shots)

Nice, right? 
I've accepted the fact that since I am the mom my time has past for being the main subject of all photos. 

This photo brought my attention to something equally horrifying and inspiring. 

Have you caught it yet? 

Let's zoom in...

Still can't see it?
zoom again...

Since when have I had a fuzzy-wuzzy stache??!??!

I've always had basically invisible hair on my entire face 
because I am a mammal...

But that is some serious stache going on there....
I blame it on the mom hormones. 

I'm glad I finally noticed it. Sorry to any offended parties... 
Should I wax it? 
What the heck!

Entering new waters....

UM... TMI!!!

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

TMI Tuesday #28- Shoe-less, Sandals, and Sunscreen.

Yes, yes. I knooooow I missed last Tuesday.
But Guess What?
That’s life!!
Things were crazy two weeks ago with the Mister graduating, me wrapping up a wicked hard semester, family in town…

Oh and we were in Hawaii with my parents and one of my sisters and her family all last week  :)

I know, be jeal!

I was relaxing on the Big Island last Tuesday when I remembered I totally spaced TMI. 

Then the thought floated out of my mind 
and I went back to relaxing.

  I’m such a brat! 

But to make up for it, I have 3 stories to share.
There’s a theme.

The first:
Road tripping along the 15 a couple weeks ago, our family stopped for a potty break. As I was toting the Bird into the public restroom for a diaper change, a teeny-bopper came waltzing out. Her feet were making a weird slapping noise. Dazed and confused, I did the fastest double take of my life. 

She was not wearing socks.

She was not wearing shoes.

She was using a public toilet….



The next:
Shortly after the gag-reflux episode of the barefooted-bathroom-bandit I was browsing some good ol’ FB newsfeed and stumbled across this little gem:

“Today I learned just how risky wearing sandals at a urinal can be. #aprilshowers

Laughing my face off.  
 So funny!!

And the Mister thinks I’m weird when I scroll the newsfeed. He has a point though. For every amazingly funny-split my side laughing-pee a little status… 
I have to read through dozens of things that are, well, really lame.
Sorry about it.

The last:
While at the beach in Hawaii (SpoiledBrat!) Sunshine announced he needed to go potty.

Before I could stop him 

He walked to the edge of the wet sand, 

Pulled his swim suit far enough to get the goods out 

And positioned to pee in the general direction of the ocean.  

All the while flashing his blindingly white bumbum to all other patrons of the beach. 

(Sunshine tans so dark it makes me super jealous! I slathered him repeatedly with 70SPF and he’s still a little brownie.)

I was giggling but also horrified. 
My family was crying with laughter. 
I don’t know what all the strangers thought; 
I was fiercely avoiding eye contact.

Um… TMI!!!

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

TMI Tuesday #27- "Professional"

This week: A submission!!!
From one of my many brothers....

For Michelle’s TMI Tuesday, to use how she would like...or not...if she would like.

It is completely up to her good judgment.  

Setting the stage...

 have all been in that place where we want to impress our peers.  I suppose that matriculating an MBA program is no different.  You go to class, and the desire is to speak and act professionally among professional people, so that you are esteemed by your colleagues and peers as well, professional.  

So, imagine if you will, sitting in the break room, where only MBA students are allowed, discussing the great companies of the day, and generally showing off mental acuity and prowess to one another. Beyond the tall glass windows, a dark cold, and cloudy day sees the billowing snowflakes bouncing off the glass outside.  Using this scene as a backdrop you will find a certain MBA candidate sitting comfortably in a soft chair.  

Me.  With pants on and fully intact.

Here is where the plot thickens.

I close my laptop, lean over to slide it into my backpack.  Grab my bag in my right hand, and reach for my jacket in my left, stand up, and turn to my left, take a step and rrrrrrrrrip.

My left pant foreleg has caught onto a small protruding, and yet amazingly strong thin carpentry nail.  A breeze of cool air flows up my leg.  My left hand, with coat still firmly in hand instinctively moves to cover up the 12 inch gash in my left pantleg.

Wow, I look professional right about now. 
You know, 
in front of all these 
 MBA candidates.

But, I never let any of them see me sweat.  I calmly fold the coat over my left forearm, and discreetly drape my jacket covering all the required bits, and stroll out of the “MBA Only” lounge.  I swing my backpack up over my right shoulder, dive into my pocket to find my cell phone.  Casually, I flip open to call my wife, and in a few short minutes of standing outside, discreetly away from any passerby’s, she collects me from the curbside.



If that were the end of the story, it would be enough, one might think.

But noooooooooo!

It’s not.

You see, two weeks ago, while sitting comfortably in my cubicle chair at work.

With pants on, fully intact.

I spun quickly to the right, and stood up.  This time, cargo pants.  This time, just as professional, rrrrrrrip.

Twelve inch gash in my left pant foreleg.  In all meaningful ways identical to the dreaded tear of ‘06.

Calmly, I stood up, walked directly towards the elevator, at a somewhat heightened pace.  Casually, I called my lovely wife, explained the repeat of the ghastly ‘professional’ mishap.  

Yes honey, again.

You can stop laughing now...

In a brief, and somewhat breezy wait outside, again, discretely away from any passerby’s, my wife came to the rescue, with a replacement set of pants.

As I cooly stroll back up to my desk, my boss noticing  the subtle change in my apparral asked,

Weren’t you wearing different pants?

Who me? Noooooo....

I AM after all, professional.



Tuesday, April 2, 2013

TMI Tuesday #26-"Two Hours of People-Watching Bliss

 TMI: "That time we scared all the Arctic Circle patrons away"-edition

 The Bird dumped an entire jug of chocolate milk on herself at lunch today 
(well almost the whole thing...) 
Right on her crotch. Of course. 

And being the rock-star-cool-amazing-Mom that I am,
I sort of patted her dry-ish and let her play in the 
slightly-suspect Play Place at good ol' Arctic Circle anyway
(Theirs is way better than McDonald's but the food is bla-ish)

    Since the milk was of the chocolate variety it sort of looked like the Bird had crapped her pants and I was letting her smear it everywhere. 


The best part was seeing all the parent's faces as they walked in.
We were there for almost two hours. 


Evidence: It's a bit dried and faded but you get the idea.

Um... TMI!!!